Date: May. 12, 2002 Time: 11:01 PM My current mood is: Another holiday I can't participate in I feel like shit. All day I was miserable, I felt like the walking dead. I worked all day, really wanted to go home but I know saying "Hey I'm really depressed, can I go home?" just wouldn't cut it. On my break I ate and threw up, so that actually made me feel a bit better. My dad was just yelling at me to do the dishes, I wish he would just leave me alone! He started in on how I don't do anything, then when I named the things I do around here he was just like "oh, well that doesn't count" and just shot me down. Then he was like "From now on don't expect anything from me. You'll see, don't expect anything!", so I shot back "I already don't expect anything from you" but I don't think he cared. I mean really, what is it he's going to do? I already don't expect anything from him. And you know what, thanks SO much for saying this to me, being that it's Mothers Day. Like I'm not already thinking all day about how I don't have a mother and nobody loves me, I don't need him to inforce that belief even more. Can't he for ONCE give me a fuckin break?? Like I haven't been thinking of killing myself all day? I just want to die, and he just doesn't give a shit. All he cares about is barking orders at me and making me feel like shit. Thanks dad. I hope Julie's not mad that I didn't go to her party she had yesterday. I just really didn't want to, just wanted to stay at home by myself. I just don't want to be around anyone. I keep having to watch what I say, if I just talk and don't keep a close track, people start getting worried and saying "Are you ok???". I feel like I can't have a normal conversation anymore, people act all confused and concerned when I open my mouth now. I'm better off just not talking to anyone. I'm going to hear it from my aunt tomorrow, she's going to bitch me out for not calling her on Mothers Day...what a friggin psycho!!!! Yesterday she called and was like "I'll be expecting a call from you tomorrow", and I was like "Why?" and she said "Because it's mothers day". WHAT???? SHE"S NOT MY FUCKING MOTHER! GET IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEAD YOU BITCH! I hate everything. I just want to fucking die. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: