Date: May. 29, 2002 Time: 4:49 PM My current mood is: My family is racist against me. It's nice out right now. Just thought I'd let you know that. I just finished making the new Eminem cd(no it's not out yet), I don't know why so many people hate him, he's cool! I was going to get my hair cut today, my sister informed that my hair is "boring", and that I need to get it layered and angles. *shrug* Uff, I've been eating SO MUCH, haven't even purged! I just read some of my dad's emails, his girlfriend was talkin smack about me, saying I'm "Gothic"(with a capital G!", and saying I'm depressed. What right does she have to talk about me? This is what she said: "Because I need to know what I am dealing with, I have asked several physicians if Effexor is prescribed for ADD. I have tremendous ADD experience and knowledge, and know that ADD individuals are likely to be depressed, as people who are grieving. I have asked three professionals, and all say that Effexor is used for depression. Depressed people have trouble with concentration, sometimes, so in that sense, the medication helps her to concentrate. However, the patient has to be depressed to take Effexor. The Gothic look to me is indicative of depression, and since I was planning at one time to live in your home, (sell mine, etc.) I did have a right to know what I am getting involved in." I'm not even on Effexor anymore, and I would APPRECIATE if my dad didn't go telling everyone about what medications I'm on! It pisses me off mostly because....I don't know why but I don't want my dad to know I'm depressed. My dad's so "normal", he'd be so embarrised, I just know it. I mean check this out, this is what his email to her said: "Regarding the relationships in my nuclear family before their mother passed away. Karen was very close to the girls too--I would say closer than I was. Although no one can say what would have happened had she lived, I can say that, although they weren't always angels (especially Ilana), I sensed no competitiveness or rivalry for my affection. Instead, they were close. I would say that Jen was closer Karen than Ilana was. Ilana was always more of a loner and had more fights with both of us, partly related to independence and responsibility issues. When Karen died, however, I would say that the girls lost a mother and a friend." Fuck that shit. Why does he ALWAYS make it like I've always been the troublemaker? I just don't get it. I always get this unfair label, as if my dad and sister want to look at me as this certain type of person, and it doesn't actually matter how far or close to the truth it is, whether I fit their view of me isn't the issue. After I read that it just made me think back, to all the times they did that, how they "stereotype me" almost. How did I have more fights??? This is the reality: My dad and sister get into screaming matches on a daily basis, from the second they wake up till the minute they go to sleep. I just hide away either here or in my room. Yet I'm the trouble maker? The one causing fights? I just don't get it. There has been very little variation in what my sister and I have done while growing up, getting in trouble for pretty much the same things, relatively minor stuff. Yet it was I who was considered the bad one, the one who was grounded everyday or hit. I really feel like I have a different skin color from the rest of my family, and like they are racist to me or something! Ok ok, I know this sounds melodramatic. But it's just one those things that has always been. If something is wrong...it's automatically because I did it. If I do something wrong, it's automaticly because I did it on purpose to be a bitch. If something is eaten in the house, it's because I ate it. Damn the man. I really want to get a tattoo! It pisses me off that I can't find the design I want, I know I want a tribal on my arm, and no I don't care that people say that sounds to "male", fuck them. Ok I have nothing else to talk about. Are you a ho? Find out @ She's Crafty What's Your Sexual MO? Find out @ She's Crafty Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: