Date: May. 20, 2002 Time: 12:51 AM My current mood is: I told Christopher and he didn't run screaming I'm listening to a song by Kid n' Play right now, how bizarre. Today my sister announced that for some unknown reason she feels sick every time she eats dinner. That's the lamest excuse for trying to get out of eating, seriously. I also noticed she bought a pack of Slimfast. The thing is, she never actually loses weight, she just stays her thin self, unlike me. So yesterday.....I did it. I was talking to Christopher, he had just gotten home from the goth club and immediatly was saying how skinny some of the guys there were and how he needs to be thin like them. Again I felt so upset, cause the things he were saying....I could TOTALLY RELATE! And if I can totally relate to someone, well, that's not a good thing! At one point I was saying how I don't want him to get an eating disorder, and he said "But you're thin, and YOU don't have an eating disorder", and...I couldn't continue the lie. I couldn't just let him think the lie millions of people say without saying in words, the lie of *naturally thin*. There IS no naturally thin. So when he asked that, I said "I don't?" And I told him. He was actually nice about it, didn't freak out or be rude like Bud was when I told him. Christopher admited he didn't know anything about eating disorders, asking me "Which one do you have? I don't know what kinds there are?". But I think it helped that I told him, he seemed to really see that he was headed in the wrong direction after I told him about me. I was so scared though as I told him, I was praticly shaking! Now I just want to hug him. He was so nice to me, accepted me, didn't yell at me or accuse me. Now I can't get him out of my mind, suddenly I want to be with him more then ever, I guess the fact that he didn't run screaming in the opposite direction makes me like him 10 times more. I'm kind of pissed right now, cause I really want to binge and purge, my sister went food shopping and bought all this yummy food! I've been good about not purging, just been restricting. But those chedder potatoe chips are calling my name, so are the fig newtons! Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: