Date: May. 05, 2002
Time: 8:39 PM
My current mood is:
I am psychotic
Today's the last day that I have taken my Prozac, I'm stopping it NOW. I can no longer tolerate the side effects, they're becoming increasingly severe. I feel like I'm going psycho! Today I felt horrible cause of it, all day long I was twitching, shaking, and rocking back and forth. Not only that, but all day I felt like I was going to explode from anxiety, I felt all panicky...this along with having a huge urge to scream, being so angry I wanted to punch someone/something, alternating with wanting to burst out crying. The thing that bothered me the most was the angry part, cause normally I am a very peaceful person. But lately I get SO aggitated, hence my entry yesterday about being wicked pissed off about being told to tuck in my shirt(I literally wanted to just walk out and quit!). It's not just a normal anger, it's like all wrapped up with those other feelings along with my constant psychotic looking twitching I am FREAKING OUT!!!! I really wanted to tell my manager I had to go home, but I couldn't cause I've been calling in sick a lot. Besides, what am I supposed to say? "Hi, I'm going psycho, I need to leave before I stab someone". I think the medication is also why I cut myself the other day, and then today I did again but not deep enough to bleed. It's like this aggression in me....I really thought I was going to flip out at work today, I'm surprised I made it. I mean geez, nice side effect there from an anti-depressant, going from "I'm so depressed" to thinking "FUCK FUCK FUCK I"M GOING TO PUNCH SOMEONE FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY WON"T I STOP TWITCHINGFUCK FUCK FUCK". Along with giving me zits and taking away my sex drive, it's just impossible for me to do this another day. I mean I was definatly NOT stable today, nor have I been recently. I'm afraid how I will be if I take my Prozac tomorrow, and as far as upping my dose like my psych. said.....YA RIGHT! My god, I can't even imagine what would happen if I did that. I even spilled water all over my arm today cause I twitched while i was carrying someone's fish. So...deep breath....everything's going to be ok...no more Prozac for me...no more punching walls... You know it's weird to experience these types of side effects, because some people really are like this, some people really do have twitching problems, but I've never really thought about it till I've experienced it. It's pretty tireing, like right now I'm exhausted from, well, along with just getting home from work, I am exhausted from the constant bodily movements I keep doing. Prozac is fucked! Ok, tomorrow is Monday, I MUST get all my papers done! I have 5 papers, and also that take home test. So all of this must be done by tomorrow. One of the papers I am just going to use one of my old papers for. The others are more specifically related to the courses though, so I can't use an old one, damn!!! I don't know, I'll have to see if I can somehow work something out. This is going to be even MORE difficult then normal, considering my mental/physical state due to the Prozac. Currently I am in a bursting out crying type of mood again, not that I'm going to. I really cannot stress enough how psychotic this Prozac has been making me.
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