Date: Sept. 07, 2002 Time: 11:52 AM My current mood is: The Story of My Eating Disorder Part One: Creation When I first started skipping meals, I was 18 years old and in my first year of college. Prior to doing this, I remember my first week of college. I was SO happy to be living away from home! I wasn't home sick at all, I loved the feeling of independance, a feeling I'd never felt before. Yet for the first week or 2, I wasn't hungry. Any meal I ate was because my roommate would ask me to come with her to the dining hall for dinner. Even eating that one meal a day was forced. I had no idea why I felt like that, I truely just had no appetite. It came back though, and I resumed my normal eating. I remember the phone call I got second semester, the one where I found out that my mom had Leukemia. They said she had anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months to live. The thought of this....I couldn't handle it. I couldn't even allow myself to think about it. The thoughts would float into my head, immediatly I would push them away, because I felt thinking about it I would go insane. I stopped going to all classes. Yes, all of them. I woke up at 3pm each day, and since I had missed breakfast and lunch, I just ate dinner and then at night when me and my friends went to the evening snack thing I'd eat there. Mind you, I wasn't really meaning to skip meals or diet, but I started liking eating 2 meals a day, it seemed better then 3. Everyday I ate the same things, a chicken sandwhich and some form of potato. Every single day. To the point where my friends nicknamed me "Spud".(the start "food behaviors", I tend to get "stuck" on certain foods) This was the year I started thinking of walking as expending calories whenever I'd walk to class. I was smoking pot on a daily basis(several of my friends were dealers), and I started worrying about when I got the munchies, thinking I would get fat. I started getting a little angry when my roommate would buy cookies. I started keeping just soup and cereal in my room, because cereal isn't bad to binge on(I'd binge from the munchies like most people do), since I was getting really worried about gaining weight. Eventually the semester ended and I had flunked out, all I really wanted to be was at home with my mom. The food/dieting wasn't bad or anything, I wasn't really even trying to lose weight more became really scared of gaining, but it just the start of things. As a side note, I had a very good friend Brian, with whom I hung out with every single day since the night I got there. We were praticly inseperable! He had anorexia. I had absolutly no idea he was at the time(he later admitted it to me), even though for every meal he ate just a salad and a small breadstick, and he was underweight. Just mentioning this to show how retardedly clueless I was about eating disorders....perhaps if I had known more about them mine would have never started?? I have no idea. Click the "Next Entry" link to continue to Part 2. Leave a message Last Entry ~ Next Entry Enter email to occasionally get special or pointless updates: